Research: Re-visiting Childhood Trauma.

This is going to be hard to explain due to how embarrassing the topic is, it’s also risky putting it out here on my online blog. But I am going to make an effort to explain it.

I decided to do the project inspired by a scary children’s show because it was in fact an episode of a show which stuck with me since I was just a baby. It bothered me for years as a child, and despite looking silly on all outward appearances it still bothered me on a deep level. But it did provide inspiration for the project...so here we are.

I haven’t been able to fully comprehend as to how or why I was scared so bad of something so childish…but regardless, I feel it has effected me way into my adulthood.

I do have the strong sense that a lot of my sensitives nowadays is linked somewhat to this show, so let’s dive right in.

I was born 2nd of July 1996, and as a baby/tot I watched a popular pre-school children’s show known as Teletubbies.

Yes, I admit it. I used to watch that weird, surrealistic drugged up happy sappy show that every other show laughed at.

Naturally at that age, I was obsessed with its bright colours, the plush like characters and playful procrastinating nature of it. The show was very popular, one of the many symbols of 1990’s nostalgia but also an easy subject of controversy.

We all know about the LGBT overtones regarding the character of Tinkie Winkie, everyone has made jokes about it. But what I really want to address is a segment in one particular episode, that resulted in a ban from several countries around the world for being too scary.

This episode was entitled See Saw, released 14thApril 1997. One year after I was born…

It was an average episode of the show, bumbling around and doing silly things. It was usually at the end of these episodes that the pinwheel at the top of where the Teletubbies lived signalled them towards it. Like a siren beckoning the attention of these strange inhuman life forms.

They go over to the hill and witness these different magical events. Non of them were relevant to the world or characters, just a bunch of random distractions.

We hear an eerie voice echo from a distance. I’m the bear, I’m the bear….and I’m coming.

After the Teletubbies go over to follow the ambiguously threatening voice they hear it again in a nearby meadow, except it’s a lot closer this time…

This is when it takes an interesting turn, as there is a drumroll to build it up the characters appearance…Much like shots held to build suspense in horror films, in which the audience anticipates when the threat will pop out.

A flat, crudely designed, wooden bear rolls out on a pair of wheels. It’s static jaw sliding up and down like a strange machine and a pair of large eyes staring at the audience.

It draws out the segment by rolling its eyes and sticking its tongue out like a loon until the secondary character rolls out…this time it’s a lion.

This lion is said to be looking for the bear, and it very quickly turns into an ambiguously threatening game of cat and mouse, resulting in a final chase with no conclusion.

Does the lion catch the bear? Was it a game? Or are tots just supposed to assume he ate her?

Either way, it bothered me a lot. Not just for its ambiguity but also its unsettling cinematic, audio and design choices.

The animals both characters are meant to represent are pretty crude looking, both are flat with both eyes directed at the camera, the bear is in a bipedal position with its arms bobbing up and down and the lion is on all fours. The lion is quite obviously meant to be designed in a scary way, although I think it did it’s job too well within the context of the show itself.

The rest of the show was uncanny and strange but there was a feeling of softness. Both the lion and the bear are carved out of hard wood and move at un-natural paces. This is the result of the footage being sped up which furthers adds to the uncanny nature. The feeling of a reality you weren't supposed to see, but you did anyway....

I mentioned before how there was a suspenseful drum roll, much like how horror directors hold the camera on a section for a long time before something scary pops up. Well it seems that's only one of many unsettling shots in the entire segment, we have imposing shots of characters looking down, close ups on their creepy faces and sections where they move all over location, defying any conceivable logic.

Granted. It's obviously not as scary as an adult, I might even say it's downright goofy. This is simply how I remembered it, and how I always viewed it until deciding to check it up again.

Regarding the controversy, there were people complaining about how the original version scared their children to pieces, and even today I found several sources talking about how badly it effected them in their early years. I decided to keep the users anonymous for the sake of safety and dignity and merely screen capture some of the comments on this linked video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASnh7_zSimU

There was a second version made which shortened it to 5 minutes 20 seconds as opposed to the original which was around 6 minutes. The section removed involved the lion searching the meadow and popping up through various places.

In many ways though I do think this segment affected me in positive ways from how bad it scared me, it gave me my first dose of fear and incomprehensable horror. This was probably a stepping stone towards my attraction to creepy looking characters and surreal horror.